I clean my bathrooms in general once a week. I'm not anal about all too many things in my house, as far as cleanliness, but my bathroom I am. I have to clean every crevice and wipe down the walls and wipe the ENTIRE toilet down, etc...I'm sure what probably most women do. I doubt I'm all that different. I cannot handle walking into a bathroom (especially mine) that smells like a gas station restroom.

This is something that I really struggle with. Not so much at other people's houses, I guess I should say, but just at my own. I get really emotional and angry if it smells like urine in MY house.

So having this specific personality trait and a little boy does not mix very well. I tried to teach him when we began potty training over a year ago that he needs to sit and point it down. He would have none of that. It has been standing since day one. So several times a day I have to wipe down the walls and toilet with clorox wipes on top of the once week deep clean. I'm just surprised, I guess. I would think since I am doing the daily wipe-downs that by the end of the week, it wouldn't stink as bad as it does. But I am not so lucky. Or maybe I am.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn and change. In blog stalking over the past two years, I have come across so many blogs of women who have lost their children and they put their hearts out there to the world. They don't get to hug and kiss and laugh and scold and smother with love. And they don't get to wipe down the pee that their kids leave behind.

I know I have never posted about what happened with my son last summer, and I don't intend to, at this point. I'm not at a place in my life where I could handle comment discussion. However, when I faced death or was holding it by the hand, I promised I would do anything if I could only keep my son by my side. Or please take me instead. Or PLEASE let me keep him. PLEASE. My cries were heard. And I haven't forgotten. I would most definitely take my daily toilet wiping routine than the alternative. And I will do it with a HUGE smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

Because I AM really blessed.