to my baby

My beautiful oldest daughter.

Emma, I have had good intentions of writing you a letter for quite some time. I knew I wanted to tell you things that might seem a little grown up for you and you might not understand until later in life. But that does not change that I want you to know. I want to tell you that you are a wonderful person. You are so full of life. You are nurturing and talented and an incredible example of forgiveness to your family and friends. I feel so satisfied and proud of you when I can see in your eyes that you have truly been hurt by a younger sibling when you are fighting with mean words and you have the ability and courage to go forward and accept an apology and forgive. Really forgive with an open heart that is willing to put your trust right back out there. Not many people can do so as you can. I cannot. You are such a ray of light to me in your example.

I love the light that shines in your eyes. You are truly full of life. You have been from birth. I remember when you were just over five months old, a neighbor was driving past our apartment taking his mother to the airport at 5:15 am and he noted that our lights were on and told me later he thought we must have been having a rough night as new parents. Nope. You have always been an early riser. I've always wanted to be a mom who was up and already exercised and showered and ready to help her kids with their tasks before school, but you wake up still at 5:45 faithfully. How can I compete with that? It makes me laugh when I am not crying because I am so tired. Your dad and I often comment on how impressed we are with your energy when you come into our room to wake us each morning. It is obvious you want time with us and that you cherish it as much as we do. I love our time together. I love that you enjoy reading Junie B. Jones books with me and that you read scriptures with me.

You have such a tender heart and spirit. On Tuesday night I came home from young womens to receive a sobbing little girl. You had just watched The Prophet of the Restoration for the first time and were affected so much. You were shaking in your dad's arms and it touched me. I was so grateful that you felt the spirit of the Holy Ghost and gratitude for the sacrifices that have been made for you. The next morning when I asked you what you thought of the story your response was simply "I received my answer last night." I imagine that you were speaking of the Book of Mormon. At the beginning of this year, we made a goal to read the Book of Mormon together each night before you get baptized in September. We have often discussed the topic of personal testimony and being baptized because you know it's what you want to do. Each night I have heard your prayers and heard you ask to know if the things you read are true. I hope you remember your answer and continue to pay attention and learn from the scriptures. They will be your rock and foundation and pathway to happiness as you grow older and struggle with the battle we call life. It is hard, Emma. It will always be hard. Trials and challenges are the Lord's way of chiseling and molding us into the people He knows we can become. You are already a light to so many people. I can't wait to sit back and watch you take this world on! You will be AMAZING!!!

I have also enjoyed seeing you love being a mom. You really do a fantastic job. At first I was hesitant letting you take some responsibility with Smith, but I have allowed a little more trust and you change diapers and feed and sing and play with him. He loves you and knows you and that makes me happy. Sadi and Jackson look up to you as an example. Our family was put together in the order it was on this earth on purpose. Heavenly Father wanted you to be the first. I can see why. I have appreciated your questions the questions that you have begun asking about friends and school and church. It shows that you are really thinking about it and I am so glad that you trust me enough to talk to me about different subjects. I hope you always feel comfortable talking to me and can bring up ANYTHING. I want you to always feel comfortable asking me anything because there is nothing that is off limits in this house.

(I found this unpublished on Feb 14, 2016. Twas written in Jan 2011. Not finished, but wanted to publish what was done.)